Hello, Future Employers of my Children

Hello, Future Employers of my Children

If you found this obscure corner of the internet decades into the future, congratulations!

Out of all the voices competing in my head for reasons I should second guess myself, there’s one that has never gotten much airtime until my finger hovered over the “publish” button. I was a teenager in the initial days of AOL popularity, back when people on the internet were assumed to be serial killers or 40 year old men pretending to be teen girls.

The majority of my time was spent on message boards for obscure religious fiction, however, and after you’ve spent two years discussing the plot twists and turns of Cheney Duvall, M.D., the likelihood of your conversational partners being deranged serial killers goes down pretty significantly. I’m not sure how many serial killers have bothered to not only read the whole series but acquire such in depth knowledge of Cheney and Shiloh’s relationship that they can write the equivalent of a scholarly article on the reasons they won’t end up together for at least two books.

Against all advice, I exchanged addresses and phone numbers with friends from these message boards, and our online friendships evolved into real life friendships, complete with real life visits. I’m grateful to say that many of the friends I met when I was sixteen and logging on to dial up Internet still continue to this day.


A lot has changed since then, and the division between “the Internet” and real life is mostly gone. We’re all using our real names now. Everything is online. I had vague “internet friends” in 1999; and I bought a house and legalized an adoption practically over email two decades later.

So in that sense I don’t fully understand the fear behind posting anything on the Internet – it’s a new(ish) forum, but it shouldn’t be any more damning than the rest of real life. I don’t fully understand worrying about my kids’ future employers googling them and finding, say, a blog post about finger painting. An employer that judges you based upon your activities at age two is probably not an employer for whom you want to work.

The part that does cause me hesitation is the foster care and adoption piece. In that area, my intention is to keep my commentary vague enough to protect their stories but also specific enough to actually say something.  I do have a strong sense, that is constantly in conflict with my need to second guess myself, that there are things I need to say. That our family has a story to tell even if the main gist of that story is hahaha, you thought you had to have your life together to be a foster parent?! That is the side I want to share — I feel like we lived under this shroud of foster care mystery and from the inside, it isn’t mysterious at all. It’s difficult, like worthwhile things are.

That’s the line I’m trying to walk right now. But if you’re here from the future because you Googled my kids prior to a job interview, I’d be happy to fill you in on why they would be awesome.



With that in mind…


Hello, Noah’s future boss. 

It’s nice to meet you. I’m sure you’ve met Noah, and I’m betting everyone else at your organization has also met Noah. As you likely know, he loves meeting people and is the definition of an extrovert. Hopefully by the time you read this letter, the introverts won’t have overthrown modern culture completely. We still need our extroverts! (I am one. I’m biased).

I am confident that you can see why your organization needs Noah. Employers are focusing increasingly on social and emotional skills and Noah is a master of all of these. He is astoundingly empathetic and attuned to the feelings of others. Noah will bring life and fun to your team. If you need a creative thinker, Noah is your man. He is always ready with a new idea and he excels and bringing others along with him in his ideas.

Noah is a quick learner and can make connections like nobody’s business. You could train an employee for a week on the specifics of their job or you could train Noah in a day on the vision of your company. Once he catches your vision, he will spread it. To everyone.

Noah’s experience is broad and includes past work in being a pirate, building a rocket ship to the moon, and various animal noises.

I can guarantee Noah will be an asset to your organization, and he’ll see you at the company picnic he just organized. It’s this Friday at 1:00 pm. You’re bringing a dessert to share.




Hello, Noelle’s future boss. 

This letter seems futile because have you met Noelle? You’ll probably be working for her soon, if you aren’t already. Chances are you’ve already realized that once she sets her mind to something, nobody is going to stand in her way. She accomplishes what she wants to and she will without fail find the most efficient way to do it.

She is a perfectionist and will ensure that everything is done correctly. That’s a quality that everyone thinks they want until they see it in action, so please remember that her devotion to getting things just right is ultimately going to improve your organization. She won’t stand for less.

As a toddler, Noelle enjoyed playing baby dolls and pretending to cook. I trust that these skills will be an asset in the workplace. She has extensive experience in rocking and tucking in stuffed animals. She is also resourceful; if a blanket cannot be found she is able to substitute a tissue or wet wipe without missing a beat.

I trust you will enjoy working for Noelle, because that’s what you’ll be doing pretty soon.




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